War of the Weasleys
by Ishkie
Summary: It started with a simple conversation between twins. It became a war of pranks as Fred and George try to out do each other, locked in whimsical combat to win the heart of a certain Hermione Granger! But will she have any of it?
1. A is for Arguments

**Prologue**

**Disclaimer: I would like to think that I own the plot, and maybe a character or twoI decide to throw in there. Nothing else, really. And I say this disclaimer goes for every chapter from now on, because I'm too lazy to keep writing it out.**

Some siblings share special connections in varying degrees of potency. Perhaps a brother and sister are empathic towards each other, or perhaps their emotions and thoughts are so in tune that they can almost read each other's minds. While this has been known to happen between any siblings, no matter the age difference, or even between good friends, it has been noted most markedly between twins.

Twins with magic blood have the same such connection, if not stronger. And Hogwarts itself housed its share of twins: the gossiping Patil sisters, that rather creepy Slytherin brother and sister duo that fancied torturing puppies, and, of course, the Weasley twins.

The Weasley twins were about as in synch as siblings could be. They were indeed in the 'mind reading, sentence finishing' end of that connection spectrum, and it was very rare that something happened without knowledge of the other. Rarer still was when they managed to keep dark little secrets hidden, and even rarer _still_ was when they decided to tell their secret if they managed to have one.

So it came as a shock when George plodded into the common room and sank into a chair next to his brother and said, with much gravity, "Fred." No loud 'Oy, Fred!', sarcastic 'Brother Dearest', or even a 'Listen up, less handsome half!'. Just 'Fred.'

And it was with equal (mock) gravity that Fred replied, "George." If he had known where this conversation was going he would likely have plugged his ears and hummed loudly, or ran away, or possibly plugged his ears and humming loudly while running away. Quite unfortunately, the conversation continued.

"I have something to tell you," George continued in his serious tone.

"I surmised as much," Fred said, trying to keep from laughing. George had no such trouble keeping his face straight; he was as serious as a tombstone. This only made Fred want to giggle when he thought of a large, George shaped tombstone.

"Do you remember Hermione?" George continued, quite effectively ignoring Fred's barely contained mirth.

"Hermione? The name sounds familiar," Fred said, tapping the side of his face with his quill as though he was thinking very hard about it, "But we surely couldn't be talking about the _same_ Hermione. The one I'm thinking of has _only_ stayed at our house for many summers past, served as a test subject for a few of our inventions, tried to get us to join an absolutely barmy elf protection agency, and is currentlydating our little brother." _And has devilishly cute hair, a sparkling personality, and a wit to match even my own, _he added silently to himself. Not that he would ever mention that to George, of course. Some things were better left unsaid. George shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, right. The same one. Funny you should mention her, really-"

"_You_ mentioned her."

"Same difference. Well, erm…" Fred was starting to get curious, not much could make George fidget like a school girl. Actually, quite a few things made him fidget like a school girl. He was sort of a ponce when it came right down to it. Of course, Fred would likely be doing the same thing if he was in George's place, but he didn't bother thinking about that.

"Spit it out, man."

"I fancy her," he said in a rush. Fred blinked.

"Well, I'm fond of her too. So is Harry, and Ron, and Ginny, and most of the teachers…"

"I _hope_ Snape doesn't _fancy_ her in the way that I _fancy_ her," George said, looking at him pointedly. When he realized what he said he started to laugh a bit, unable to help himself. Fred, however, didn't seem to find it very funny.

"You _fancy_ our little brother's girlfriend? Who just happens to be two years younger than we are?" Fred asked. George nodded and started laughing. Now that it was all out in the open, he found it all a bit amusing. It was Fred's turn to look like a tombstone.

"This isn't funny, because I _fancy_ her too!" he said, which promptly shut George up. While normally it would be very funny indeed, both of them knew these were special circumstances. There was a reason this was a 'dark little secret' after all.

It was special for many reasons. First of all, it was very obvious that both twins were now planning to act upon this "fancy" (and my, were they getting sick of the word very quickly). You see, it's one thing to notice your brother's girlfriend, a purely "look but don't touch, and let no one know of the infatuation" kind of notice, but another to _act _off of it. In fact, to prevent just such an occasion the Weasley brothers (barring Percy) had gotten together and made it one of the official Weasley taboos to take a brothers' 'significant other'. Percy was excluded because, honestly, no one would want a 'significant other' of Percy's under any circumstance.

It was this taboo that was now making Fred and George very quiet and contemplative. A taboo _was _a taboo, after all, and a decision made by the Weasley brothers (that both twins remembered agreeing to) was not to be taken lightly. Family is family, after all.

"Well," Fred said after a pause.

"Well indeed," George said, looking at his brother in annoyance.

"It was specifically said _significant_ other…" Fred said slowly. George nodded eagerly, annoyance vanishing as he caught on.

"They've only been seeing each other for what, a month?"

"Hardly enough time to be really significant," Fred said, grinning.

"And she's a bit short to be significant, anyways." They laughed.

"Well, since she's not significant then it doesn't apply, right?" Fred asked, not needing to mention the taboo for George to know exactly what the 'it' he was talking about was.

"Of course not. Now that that's settled, I'll plan a bit to make them split, for their own good mind you, and then I'll ask her out. Problem solved," George said, leaning back in his armchair. Fred rapidly grew grim again.

"And what makes you think that you're going to get her?"

"Well, I brought it up first, didn't I? I say that means I get her, since you obviously weren't going to mention your _thing_ for her unless I brought it up first." George looked pleased with his reasoning, but Fred only soured more.

"I think not, brother _dearest_," he said with a touch of sarcasm, "I say we have an equal chance at her, and the one she likes more gets her." George snorted.

"I'd like to see you _try;_ it's hardly a competition. You're less intelligent, less mature, and far less handsome," George said, turning a bit red as he got worked up. Fred looked at him incredulously, trying to figure out which part of that argument to start on first. He decided for the obvious.

"We're bloody identical, how did you figure out you were better looking?! Which you aren't," he added as an afterthought.

"Almost identical, Freddie boy. Or need I remind you of that rather _embarrassing_ scar you got when you fell down the stairs nine years ago?"

"It adds roguish charm!" Fred retorted, his voice rising slightly. They looked at each other, getting more and more annoyed.

"Fine," George said, breaking the tension, "Here's an idea. We fight for her." Fred mulled this over. The idea had merit.

They both knew that George wasn't talking about a fist fight, or even anything where physical blows were exchanged. They had discovered long ago that punching the other twin was disturbingly like watching yourself get socked in the eye, which made the fight very eerie to participate in. George was talking about a fight of pranks, pitting one twin's tricks against the other. It really was the ultimate challenge for them, and much more suited to their abilities than straight out attacking each other. Fred nodded.

"Same rules?" he asked. George also nodded. They had only had one such fight previously, and so the rules were already set up. In essence, there were no rules. "Well then, may the best Fred win," he said. George growled.

"You wish!"

"I don't need to wish," Fred said flippantly. They glared at each other before heading in opposite directions to plan. Only someone who either knew the twins or was familiar with the first 'fight' was aware of the severity of this conversation. They had just declared war.

* * *

**AN: Well, sorry the beginning is a tad slow. Please review!**


	2. B is for Bedshrinking

**Chapter 2 **

Fred's eyes snapped open as he awoke suddenly. Moving as little as possible he turned his head first to the left and then to the right, analyzing every detail about his four-poster. Nothing _seemed_ to be out of place…

He propped himself up a bit on his elbows, looking over to his twin's bed. The drapes were drawn, but a leg was poking out from under them, and there were soft snoring sounds. Fred blinked.

The leg wasn't out of the ordinary -he knew his brother was a very active sleeper and usually one or two limbs found their way off the bed-, but the snoring sent warning bells off in his head. George didn't snore _softly_; normally he sounded like a broken vacuum.

Fred grinned to himself. George would be awake for one of two reasons. Either he had woken up especially early and was now staying awake to make sure Fred didn't try anything, or he had woken up early to set something up, and was now waiting for Fred to fall for whatever it was. Since a night of dreaming about the pranks that George_ could_ pull tended to make one very paranoid, he decided that there was indeed something set up.

Very carefully he leaned over, took his wand from under his pillow (the one on his bedside table was fake), and took careful aim at George's foot.

"Reducio," he muttered. George yelped (confirming Fred's suspicion that he was awake) and quickly moved his foot, causing the spell to miss and hit the bed instead. Fred giggled madly as the bed started to shrink, George still thrashing about on it.

Hastily George jumped off before he got trapped in the rapidly diminishing four-poster, watching as his bed became roughly the size of someone's head. By this time everyone in the dormitory had been woken up by Fred's laughter.

Aidan O'Shea, one of their year mates, simply cast a silencing charm around his bed and went back to sleep, but once Lee Jordan had figured out what had happened he joined in the laughing. Fred, looking over at a very tousled George lying on the floor, burst into a fresh set of hysterics and rolled off the bed.

After a moment of lying on the floor Fred calmed down and tried to get up. First he tried to prop himself up on his hands, but they wouldn't move. He tried to move his feet. They wouldn't budge off the floor either. Finally he tried to roll over, but it seemed as if his back was stuck firmly on the floor. It was George's turn to burst into laughter, and by this time Lee was positively howling.

"Haha!" he finally gasped out, pointing at Fred, "You're glued to the floor!" Fred blinked, and then started laughing again as well.

"So I am!" Fred said, chortling. "And look, so is George!" he said, pointing as best he could to his twin, who also was stuck.

"Must have, must have fallen into the spell when you jumped off the bed," Lee said to George, still gasping for breath. After a moment all three of them calmed down (well, for the most part, every once in awhile one of them would start giggling again).

"So…" Fred began, looking as best he could at Lee. "Fancy taking this spell off me?" Lee shook his head, still grinning.

"No, I don't think I do."

"Say, dearest friend of all dear friends-" George started, looking at Lee as hopefully as he could with a good portion of his face stuck to the floor.

"You either," Lee said with a chortle and a yawn as he got out of bed. "I'm going to breakfast."

---

Three hours later Fred and George finally managed to unstick themselves. Well, they hadn't really done anything; the spell had just worn off. It was a good thing it had, too, because they probably would have been there for a good deal longer if it hadn't.

Their hopes of being freed had been dashed when another of their year mates had followed Lee out, leaving them alone with a sleeping Aidan. Aidan, who had been their last chance, seemed to think they deserved it for waking him up so early and left them as well. It was because of this they had now missed half of Potions. Needless to say, they were heartbroken.

And now this was how things stood. Fred and George each had a point (points were given using a relatively complicated system (monitored by Lee) that determined the winner of the 'fight'), both were very hungry, and both were making their way to the kitchen.

Walking was difficult, because neither wanted the other out of their sight. Because of this neither one nor the other could walk ahead, so they walked side by side. And because neither of them wanted to rely on peripheral vision to monitor their twin, they walked facing each other full on. Together they painted a very amusing picture; two identical red heads glaring at each other walking crab-style down the hall.

They would have continued like this all the way to the kitchens had they not run into Professor McGonagall. She walked past them, realised what she had just seen, and doubled back.

"Excuse me, Weasley and Weasley, just _what_ do you think you're doing?" Immediately both of them were the pictures of innocence.

"Doing? What makes you think we're doing anything, my good Professor?" Fred asked, smiling at her in what he obviously thought was a disarming way. McGonagall was immediately suspicious. Well, more so than she had been at any rate.

"Why aren't you in class?" she asked instead.

"We're going to class now, actually," George said quickly.

"Which class?" McGonagall asked, sighing.

"Potions," Fred and George chorused at the same time.

"And why aren't you already _in_ class?"

"We were stuck to the floor of our dormitory," Fred explained as though that was the most obvious thing in the world. McGonagall sighed again and turned to leave, giving up on them. Fred and George grinned at each other briefly (before reassuming their glares) and started back down the hall.

"Oh, Weasleys?" Professor McGonagall called after them. They froze. "The Potions dungeon is in the other direction. Five points from Gryffindor."

**A/N: Happy Holidays, everyone! I'm sorry, I would have had this up yesterday but I couldn't think of how to end it. Please review!**


	3. C is for Care of Magical Creatures

**Chapter 3**

It took a good ten minutes for the twins to finally make their way down to the kitchens. After getting through the portrait, which had been a challenge in and of itself-

_"I'll do it!" _

_"Oh no you don't, you'll scratch the apple! Then where will we be?" _

_"I won't scratch the apple, I know what _that_ does. I don't have a death wish!" _

_"Just let me tickle the pear." _

_"Okay." _

_"Wait, what? Never mind, you tickle it then_...

-they found their favorite spot, and spent about fifteen seconds waiting to be served. Another ten minutes found them digging in to their meals, not daring to take their eyes off the other. This made for very confused eating, as neither of them could see what they were putting in their mouths.

It would have been a very uneventful meal had George not accidentally looked away. The split second diversion – a house elf dropping a large pan -, was all Fred needed. In a flash he slid a small vial from his sleeve (which he kept there for just such opportunities) into his hand, and poured the contents all over one of the plates of food. When George looked back, he saw a very innocent Fred cutting a piece of meat.

George narrowed his eyes, reached over the small wooden table they were eating at, and switched their dishes. Fred paled slightly, and George grinned inwardly. That was all the proof he needed; Fred must have done something.

Smiling in satisfaction, George took a large bite of meat. It tasted a bit funny…Fred's expression changed suddenly, and with a devilish grin he started tucking with great gusto into George's food. It was George's turn to pale. Of course Fred had done something to his _own_ food, knowing George would switch. The only question was…what did he do?

---

Lee strolled to Care of Magical Creatures, figuring the points in his head. George had scored a point when he got up early to set the trap; Fred got half a point for checking before moving. Fred then scored another two points for making George's bed shrink, which led to George loosing a point for looking so funny when he jumped off the bed. Fred then proceeded to roll off the bed and get glued to the floor, which lost him three points because he got caught. George lost five points for getting caught in his own trap. That left Fred at negative half a point and George at negative five.

After figuring this Lee went on to dole out extra points (if Dumbledore could do it, so could he). He gave Fred one and a half points for laughing at himself, and then six points to George because he had tried to flatter him. Thus, using this infallible system, they were tied.

---

Somehow both twins managed to make it to Care of Magical Creatures only twenty minutes late. This was really quite an accomplishment, as George was incredibly jumpy and Fred was incredibly suspicious. Really, it was surprising they had made it to class at all.

"All righ'!" Hagrid said as the twins entered the paddock. They hadn't really missed much, as the first fifteen minutes of class had been used to round up the third years' escaped poisonous puffskeins. In fact, the class had only just gotten around to starting.

"All righ'," Hagrid repeated, going over to the edge of the forest, "We're goin' to be seein' an interestin' beastie today." Aidan gulped, along with half the class. Fred smirked, and George looked at him shiftily. Hagrid got out his pink umbrella wand and waved it about, causing bright magenta sparks to shoot out of it into the Forest.

There was a mighty roar, and everyone in the class jumped. Something seemed to be getting closer. Bushes rustled, and a bird flew out of a tree. There was another roar, some galumphing paw stamps. Suddenly the high shrubbery at the base of the trees parted, and a hideous creature ambled out.

It was one and a half feet tall, standing on its four legs. It had brown, shaggy hair, and bright, wide pink eyes. The shape was something like a small dog, but it didn't seem remotely dog-like. It bared its greenish, mossy teeth.

"An' this," Hagrid began, beaming, "is a Pobjinger. Careful not to touch it, it's matin' season an' it migh' snap at yeh." No one thought that not touching it was going to be much of a problem. It would have been much more trouble, in fact, if Hagrid said that they were _supposed_ to touch it.

Lee and George exchanged quick looks of amusulsion, a combination of amusement and revulsion, while Fred just grinned wickedly. George looked at him questioningly.

"Wha-" he began, but was cut off by the shrieks of his classmates. The Pobjinger had moved from the edge of the forest and was barreling toward the students, who quickly scattered. The other students didn't seem to phase the creature in the slightest, however; it was moving straight for George.

He turned to run, but the Pobjinger was faster. It caught up with him, and when George realised what its intentions were he groaned. Now he knew what was in the food.

Pobjinger pheromones.

**A/N: Sorry this is taking so long, but it's finals week. Don't expect too much more from me for awhile...Unless you review a lot! XD**


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